Escalation of War

April 20, 2016, by Robert, category Fun

It all started innocently enough. I share a mutual desk border with Louise, aka Weez aka Weezy, and her stuff was getting a little too close for comfort. I thought it would be prudent to bring in some troops to keep an eye on her intentions and hopefully encourage her to be more mindful of our shared space. I didn’t expect things to escalate so quickly…

They were three strong, and I’m not kidding when I say strong. Two of my best fighters answered the call – Daryl Dixon and pre-amputee Jaime Lannister. Daryl provided the ranged and stealth threats, while Jaime is the best melee fighter this office can boast. They were joined by a zombie for intimidation purposes, and this wasn’t just a regular zombie either. While living he was a prison guard and still had his body armor on, so a head shot would be exceedingly difficult against him. All in all, I felt safe with this small but capable force at my border.

I don’t have any pictures of the original setup because I didn’t know that this was going to be a thing, until this morning. Note that I describe the zombie in the past tense. As it turns out, the first thing I’m greeted with when I came into work was this scene:

At first I only noticed the missing zombie, I hadn’t even seen the buildup of video game characters that assembled. A quick search and I found my poor zombie hanging beneath my desk.

This was completely uncalled for. I never crossed the border, I was just protecting what’s mine. If she wants a war, she’s going to get one.

First I must assess the combatants. The first thing that stands out is that we have a pretty big size advantage while they have the numbers advantage. Reinforcements will need to be called in. They also had the element of surprise. We however have a huge toughness advantage. Daryl has been shot and beaten several times and has survived horrific events. Jaime has suffered long-term imprisonment, fought multiple wars, and has bounced back from debilitating injury. On Weezy’s side, most of her characters die from touching an opponent once. Maybe twice if they happened to trip on mushrooms or flowers earlier. Sonic is a two-hitter-quitter despite how many rings her has. And I have no idea what the fuck the Aflac duck is doing here.

They need to pay for what they’ve done. I could take out their head of state, Princess Toadstool, who bravely though I believe recklessly is on the front lines to inspire her people. That would be a little extreme though, I only lost a zombie. Instead I’ll target Yoshi. He is not that valuable, a nice-to-have really, and hopefully making an example of him will end further hostilities.